You Are Not Alone

By Mary Beth Fogarty, MSW

Owner and Personal Coach at


“Tell me lies…Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies.”

Yes, you read right.  Those are Fleetwood Mac’s song lyrics.  I heard this song on the radio just yesterday, while my 3 year-old sat in the back and I thought as a mama would “oh no, am I teaching him to lie with this song playing?”  Haha.  Doubtful. I’m pretty sure all he was thinking about was getting to the playground.

But anyway, this song ties in well with a topic I want to expound on – insecurity and the deception we believe about ourselves.

I was recently with a group of women for an event.  After chatting with some, that ugly, familiar feeling began to creep in – insecurity.  I began to wonder if I fit in, if I was liked or not liked, etc.  I saw others chatting more intently with one another and thought perhaps I wasn’t connecting as well as the other ladies.  I soon brushed it off because I’ve been in that headspace in the past.  Counseling others on such a topic has helped in counseling myself tremendously as well!  Though, of course, to be honest, I don’t always get it right.

Moments later, I ran into one of the women in the lobby.  Tears began to fall down her cheeks.  I immediately hugged her and asked what was wrong.  She said she just feels out of place sometimes and wasn’t sure if coming was a good idea.  This same woman was chatting freely with others and appeared content on the outside.  But she was feeling completely differently on the inside just as I had felt. I tried to encourage her and let her know she wasn’t alone.

These thoughts creep up so subtly don’t they?   Fear.  Doubt.   Anxiety.  Even despite what we know rationally and logically, Satan can manage to squeeze his way in and tell us lies. Mentor, author, and counselor, Sylane Mack, calls them “LFTPOHs” (pronounced liftpohs): Lies From The Pit Of Hell!  This acronym reminds me of John 8:44, “…for he [Satan] is a liar and the father of lies.”

Later at this event, another woman revealed to me that she’s going through some serious and sad personal things at home.  Again, I, nor others were aware of what she had been dealing with.  This all reminded me that there is often way more going on than meets the eye.   We are often quick to judge, quick to compare ourselves, or quick to see ourselves as alone in the world.  Yet, the truth is we are not in more ways than one!

There is usually way more going on behind that smile of ours.  Remembering this provides two things:

First, perspective.  It gives us the honest perspective that we are actually not the only ones feeling the way we feel.  Consequently, we can be a little less hard on ourselves and more apt to fight the LFTPOHs; knowing that we are, in fact, not alone.

The second is love.  Remembering these truths helps us to love more because we can invest in others, being secure in ourselves.  I know that when I first walked into the room, I was not loving others well by focusing on my own fears.  But after refocusing on the moment and taking some deep breaths, I was able to invest in those around me; while also being more conscientious and aware of the problems others were/are facing.  This, too, allowed me to be more vulnerable in return.  Vulnerability becomes a healing process for everyone exposed and reverent to it.

So let us remember that the anxiety and insecurity we feel is rooted in fear.  Fear is the LFTPOH.  Connection is the truth.  We are connected in more ways than we often realize.   Thank God for that!  How awful it would be if the LFTPOHs were the real reality.  Grateful they are not.

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